Jack.....won D&D? They OK ANOT!?

The news is out...Jack IS Mr Raffles.

How this catastrophe happened is up to anyone's guess...especially when Jack gave a very dubious answer during his Q&A segment... I mean...C'mon, POLAR BEARS?!

For the uninitiated, the question was: "Where can u find white hair on your body?"

Anyway, after the D&D, we were down at the lobby when Mr Raffles started to point to his belly bulge and quipped, " Hey! Look! Even with this...I can win Mr Raffles!"

Was there alcohol that night that I didn't know about??? How come my table didn't get any...?

And oh...to all you irritating little cretins who "SABOH-ED" me.....GO DIEEEE!!!! Simi random Backstreet Boy!? And horrr...one more thinggg.....SHAUN, how come never let me win anything!!! Even win fridge I happy lor....coz I've already paid the charges anyway...

Btw, anyone noticed that during the pagaent contestants dance segment, Jack got to do the least amount of dance moves? That kinda sums up his dancing prowress...=)

Tribute to Azafar

Azfar doesn't tackle forwards. He stares them down until they give the ball to him.

Joey may have ate the frogs legs, made the swiss roll and munches gladbach, but Azfar had him from breakfast.

When Azfar makes a tackle god winces.

A comet didnt wipe out dinosuars, it was Azfar arriving on Earth.
If two Azfars tackled each other at the same time, time would collapse and the Earth would cease to exist.

It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a football when Azfar is on the pitch.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Azafar once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned football.

Azfar does not run. He jumps on the spot and the earth moves into position

Azfar actually does waste people - he doesn't fuck about.

Apple pays Azfar 99p every time he listens to a song.

Einsteins original theory of relativety was: if Azfar kicks you your relatives will feel it.

There is no ctrl button on Azfar's keyboard. Azfar is always in control. 

Before he goes to sleep, the bogeyman checks the cupboards for Azfar.

Azfar doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Azfar is Azfar.

Azfar can sneeze with his eyes open. 
They once made a Azfar toilet paper, but there was a problem - it wouldn't take shit from anyone.

Azfar was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost

Azfar sleeps on a bed of nails. FACT 

Azfar can kill two stones with one bird. 

Azfar can dive to the bottom of the ocean without an oxygen tank.

He once destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. 

When Azfar breaks his arm or leg he saws it off and it grows back straight away.

Azfar is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Azfar does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

When he jumps in the ocean, he doesnt get wet, the sea gets Azafar-ed.

Azfar sees dead people, then kills them again.

Azfar was the first MAN on the Moon.

Azfar doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Azfar does not sleep. He waits.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Azfar.

There wasn't 300 Spartans, there was just 1 Azfar.

Can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Azfar doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Azfar dies two years ago but Death is too scared to tell him.

Once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!".

RedBull is Azfar's urine in a can.

When Azfar does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

When Azfar walks through a metal detector at the airport and it beeps,he frisks the security guard.

Azfar does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Jedis and Sith use the Force. Azfar IS the Force. 

He invented Cessarian Section by roundhousing himself out of his mother.

Azfar can draw a straight line with a compass.

Azfar makes onions cry.

Azfar is the reason why Wally is hiding in all of his books.

As soon as he was born he grabbed the midwife, the doctors and nurses by their ankles and slapped their arses then went on a 22 pint drinking spree.

"Azfar isn't hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Azfar."

When Azfar pays for a meal in New York,the waiter tips him

If you have a flim, and Azfar has a flim. Azfar has more money than you.

When Azfar walks in the pub in "shameless",Paddy Maguire walks out (out the back door).

Azfar can beat rock with scissors.

Azfar is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 

Azfar crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. 

He has looked into the abyss, laughed, then had some dinner.

Azfar uses a night light. Not because Azfar is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Azfar.

The Bible was originally titled "Azfar and Friends"

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Azfar can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Azfar makes hurricanes when he blinks.

Azfar leaves messages before the beep.

Azfar doesn't wear condoms, because there's no such thing as protection from Azfar. 

Azfar once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Azfar once had a staring contest with a brick wall, and won.

Azfar did in fact, build Rome in a day. 

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Azfar is on.

Azfar's calendar jumps from March 31st to April 2nd....because nobody fools Azfar" 

Azfar owns a box of white dog poo.

Eh...RF....U OKAYYYY ANOTT!?!??!

Walao... I kena fined $132 for fridge and fan... Life is not fair...

Eh Gant..u going to be next year president rite?! I want to ask arr...HOW COME RF CAN BO TAI BO JI come to ppl's rooms, open their doors w/o asking and check inside wan aR?! and RF got pay fridge fees anot?? They got off their fans wan anot!?!? I suggest hor..that next year, students sld be authorised to go to the RF's houses to check them out!

Anyway, the RFs do NOTHING wan laaa....so therefore not fair for them to charge me for fridge...at least I got contribute to hall spirit...

EH, I KNOWW!! SHAUN!!! D&D lucky draw, lemme win the TV! It'll make up for my bills...

And those of u who have fridges but never declare also arr...u all not friend wan leh, i wun say names... (TITO, GANT, JACK.. u know hu u are....) never tell me!! hai~~~

Tell u what...wanna mek me feel better? We split the cost k?? =)) Then you all won't feel guilty also...hehheh...

Just needed an avenue to complain...=)

D&D.......and hardcourt soccer!

Arr...so we have Adit, Thaddeus, Mingjie, Mario, Michael, Azfar and David at our table already...not to mention Tito... This makes this the best soccer turnout for a D&D ever!!! Obviously, since we have already rigged the lucky draw such that we're gonna claim the top prizes (thanks Shaun), the dinner turns out to be almost free for us.

Oh, and hardcourt soccer today....was fantastic. We managed to attain the elusive 'optimum' number! Keep it up!!! See you guys on thursday...when we can maintain our lean figure in a game of intensive soccer!!

Fernando Torres off injured as Liverpool hold Aston Villa to a rare draw

Due to calf strain, after sending his half volley wide.

Meanwhile Ashley Young also fell flat on his balls after clashing with Liverpool midfielders.

On another topic, Rafael Benitez was just elected to be the president of Raffles Hall. Congrats.

Hope you all know who's who.

KaiXiang's After-Midnight Transportation Services

As the title suggests, KaiXiang will be offering transportation services for anyone wanting to get home from 12am-6am, and not wanting to splash the cash out for a taxi ride with surcharges.

The perks of this service includes:

FREE (excluding treats)
free choice of music station, or in-house selection of techno
engaging conversation, or the preference of no-conversation
adjustable temperatures
a comfortable cushion

not-inclusive of:

cleaning up

requirements:

clean passengers

Examples of treats:

1. NUS-Tampines SGD 18.00
2. NUS-Bukit Panjang SGD 10.00
3. NUS-Yishun SGD 20.00
4. NUS-Sengkang SGD 19.00

A maximum of 2 passengers per trip, with a premium add-on for any additional passengers up to a total limit of 4. This multi-passenger service is only available for close-proximity drop-off points (within a 1km detour).

*IMPORTANT* This convenient service is for friends/acquaintances ONLY.

*DISCLAIMER* This service is NOT open to the public, and is offered only as an alternative to costly taxi rides, which can hit the wallets of non-working young adults hard.

For any additional information or advance bookings (no charge!), KaiXiang can be contacted at 96667388.

Amplitude cooking show starring chef (wannabe) Gant...

OMG....horror upon horrors! Our versatile reserve left-back cum manager aka Gant, was spotted yesterday at Amplitude singing, waitt....no...beatboxing for the RHchoir. Surprisingly, in addition to being a pretty good bench warmer, he is half a decent beatboxer as well!

Unfortunately, just as all RHafflesians(sorry , i had to use that!) were about to applaud the half-past-six beatboxer, he did a move that stumped all who were present into silence. Using the mic as a erm..cucumber, he deftly moved his other hand over the mic/cucumber several times, mimicking a slicing and dicing move only seen in HongKong martial arts/cooking movies. Stephen Chow would have been so proud. We now know our formidable and multi-talented bench warmer/team manager/beatboxer has another talent.

In other news, the KR acapella group has a guy whom we thought was chengwei. Closer inspection revealed that it was a lookalike though. Don't ask me why I added this piece of useless information in. TK thought I should add this piece of news in. Go find him.

Last piece of news, the soccer table has been booked. We have 6 people at the soccer table. find 4 more. Payment to be made to Thaddeus latest by Tuesday next week. $40 per person. Please, if you haven't booked your place already, book your seats now to show your support for our left-back jack. Rotten eggs and vegetables can be given complimentary from the hotel kitchen, just ask the kind waiters on hand. :)

D&D! JACK IN PAGEANT!?

A certain Mr Goh had been selected for the upcoming Raffles D&D pageant, leading many to wonder...ARE THE ORGANISERS BLIND!?

This lack of foresight will probably cause multiple repercussions including: a decrease in the number of people attending; the quality of food; the number of vomit bags issued and lastly, the number of homosexuals attending the dinner.

I mean...why have food of high quality when it's going to come out anyway?!

As such, I propose that the D&D be held at the hardcourt instead, it makes cleaning up easier.

That being said, I sincerely hope that you soccer guys will come down and support our fellow member --- no matter how well disliked he is --- and give him your fullest encouragement. At least, Jack will have a shoulder to cry on when he loses.

We stand a better chance next year!

HAHAHHAHAHAA

two words - Ang Mo