If they were Premiership players

Thaddeus Kan is Cesc Fabregas. Young captain. Wonderkid 3 years ago, but never really improved. Wanted to leave for club in orange (Barca and Sheares). Not good enough for the national (NUS) team.

Previous captain was Jieke a.k.a William Gallas. Reliable defender and a captain who talks talks talks. If the trend continued, Arsenal next captain is Bendtner. Like Wu Yao, he dribbles well but must improve his finishing. Lloyd is Eboue for obvious reasons.

Azfar is Skrtel. Ming Jie tried, but he's too kewl to be Kewell. David is Dirk Energizer Kuyt.

Liu Qi and Liu Siyan are products of the academy. Like Jay Spearing and Stephen Darby of Liverpool, no one has heard about them (like you!). Probably will never make it in their respective places.

TK is David James. Old. Damn old. Still the one of the best keepers around, confidence player tho. Weird dressing sense. Until being replaced by Kai Xiang a.k.a Ben Foster.

Mario is the Jamaican(?) Mancs' new striker. He came, he saw, he went on loan somewhere we don't know.

Sri Ram is Robbie Fowler. Other aliases include 'God'. Great finishers but needs to work on their bellies.

Gant is Eduardo. Long-term injury, but not sure if it's only a simulation. Got his banned overturned.

I'm Andy Gray. Old time great, but only comments nowadays. And I have too much time.

And as a team RH is Republic of Ireland. Green is one thing. We and the Irish would have qualified if not for Keanes' (our Keane and Robbie Keane) misses.